星期一, 9月 19, 2011
星期四, 12月 22, 2005
Idris doesn't show his emotions.
Friends ask me if Idris misses me. Yes, but....in the beginning, he said: "Mami miss me." instead. We recorded a whole tape of Itchy Winsy Spider for him, and he would listen to it every night when he went to bed. He never cried out that he wanted mami.
Grandma usually teased him: "Do you like grandma? Do you love grandma?" He said nothing. The third day when he was in the hospital, he sit up, gave grandma a hug and said: "I love you, I like you." She is so important to him that he realised grandma has replaced mami in some ways.
The notes from Idris's aunt tells the story in a very detail and different way. A bit sad, but I think it's closer to his heart.
我想跟你說的是小卓思的事。到底要怎麼講比較好。老媽因為怕你擔心而不敢講得太仔細，當然有些是一時沒想到要講。但我實在也會擔心，又覺得，你是媽媽，應該要知道。也許目前有辦法可以處理，但這些處理需要長時間的進行，不是一兩個月的事。我所指的辦法，就在我附的雜記的末尾。剛寫好的，可以跟老媽討論怎麼具體進行。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051221~：
小卓思今晚特別想爸爸媽媽。他抱著大小三個蜘蛛俠，像寶貝一樣擁在懷裡，小聲地說著，「爸爸，爸爸???」。因為阿公這幾天對他都很嚴肅，都在排斥他，不接受他拿玩具來跟他玩，不要他從房間出來鬼叫、到處跑。阿公開始不耐煩了。???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051224~：
（突然想到「堅持到底」的這個遺傳，是全家人都有的，連小朋友也是。週六中午，小朋友吃了一堆午餐。邊吃邊與阿公乾杯，一個喝水，一個喝小酒。最後，阿姨起鬨著說，「要喝光光喔」。小朋友於是努力地拿著他那杯有五、六百毫升，幾乎裝滿的杯子，努力地喝。我們看他實在喝不下了，一直勸他不要喝了。但他很堅持。只見他越喝越慢，就快要從喉嚨裡倒溢出來了。你可以想像得到嗎，什麼是喝水喝到醉。我看他的眼神一會兒飄忽，一會兒又想努力集中精神再喝。就算只能吞進一點，但是一點就一點地熬著。他的小肚肚真是撐到不行了，不時還得靠到阿嬤身上休息一下。我們一直勸他不要再喝了，他始終是搖搖頭。我看他真的想喝完，但說話已經有氣無力了。他不喝完好像自己會後悔，好像就不完整似的，就像他吃東西一樣，即使一粒黏在碗裡的飯粒，他都要把自己碗中的東西吃到乾乾淨淨的。我想成全他，給他一點鼓勵，繼續喝光它。於是我雙手舉起來，握著拳，做出一個加油的動作，「好，Emily阿姨幫你加油」。他一聽，就突然精神奕奕地坐直起來，跟我做一樣的動作，笑說著，「加油喔。我好厲害喲。」再接著繼續喝。他最後的這幾口，真的是帶著信心與力量完成的。我想，他雖然肚子很撐，但應該也是相當滿意自己的吧。後來我跟阿公阿嬤說，「這真是家族遺傳啊。」我想，這幾天對阿公說，小朋友把他當作爸爸，以及這類家族遺傳的好個性，讓阿公不會再對他這麼嚴肅了，也不會老是因為他吵到阿公看電視時，被阿公罵。至少這一點改變，讓我對將離開一段時間，不會感到太過放心不下。──我應該把它寫成小故事，寄給姊，題目是「喝水喝到醉的小孩」。???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051225~：
昨天，好不容易對小朋友提起我要出遠門的事，下週三去，過年前回來。但我想他應該體會不到這一番話的意義，除非他親眼看到我拎著行李出門。但那會是一個多大的傷害啊。可是如果不讓他知道，或者親眼看到，他會突然找不到Emily阿姨，或許或漸漸覺得我為什麼把他丟下。這，很為難，也很難過。自從我看到他抱著大小三個蜘蛛俠之後，便沒有再見到這樣的舉動了。但生活中，漸漸明顯的是，將阿嬤當作媽媽，阿公當作爸爸。不時會叫出「媽，媽媽」，或者當著阿公的面說，「你是我爸爸」，「這是我爸爸做的」。而這兩天，他會說，「Emily阿姨，媽媽」。 你知道今晚還發生什麼事嗎？他自己去大便，我想他是覺得可以自己完成它。但唯一的是全家都擔心他沒擦屁屁。阿公叫阿嬤快去看看他的屁屁，他就邊玩邊爬地躲到阿公的房間。我追進去看，結果看到他一不小心撞到了床角。他站起來，右手摀著頭，淚汪汪地看著我說，「好痛喔」。我趕緊過去幫他呼一呼，按著他被撞到的地方。兩個人就靠著床角的兩頭，一起撫著痛痛。突然，他對我說，「謝謝媽媽」。我知道這個動作讓他想起了媽媽，一時間只能在床邊將他抱進懷裡，「不痛不痛，阿姨知道」。他低著沉默了一會，又抬起頭了，轉身擦擦眼角的淚水。我想那淚水不只是因為撞到頭，還有想媽媽。我跟他說，「乖乖，不痛了，要不要笑一個」。我拿起地上的小積木，稍早前他將它們當作披薩。問他，「阿姨可不可以吃一個披薩？」他點點頭，我們便開始玩玩具了。後來，他看到爸爸媽媽的照片，又順口說出，「好久沒有看到爸爸媽媽了。」我只能說，「媽媽過年的時候會回來啊」。
我知道他越來越想媽媽爸爸了。他不是一個會直接因為這件事大哭的小孩，只會在受傷或不聽話、被罵的時候，邊哭邊想。但最近這些日子，他的思念比以前更為明顯了。他總是在生活中，那些與爸爸媽媽共有的，似曾相識的感覺中，找尋爸爸媽媽的影子。他偶而把阿公阿嬤當作爸爸媽媽叫，只是因為他們給他的感覺，跟他爸爸媽媽很像。他把想念轉嫁在這個上面，讓爸爸媽媽有了具體的延伸。但我想，此刻的他，仍是知道誰是他爸爸媽媽。他沒辦法處理自己的思念，只能用這種方式來發洩與安慰自己。──前幾天，我也將這件事告訴爸媽了。
有時候，我會想，是不是要讓他分清楚爸爸媽媽與阿公阿嬤呢？但那似乎太殘忍了。我只能順著他的感覺，讓他的想念，至少有個出口。但我要怎麼跟姊說這件事呢？會不會讓她在懷孕中，又得擔心著這件事呢？──不，她是媽媽，應該要知道的。但我想她也會相信阿公阿嬤照顧他的用心與全心。就容許他暫時用這種方式發洩一下。該想想的是，未來會不會有什麼心裡的洞需要撫慰與呵護的呢？對他來說，這真的是太難處理了。爸爸媽媽並不是不愛他，他們還天天上網或打電話來講講話。但是他看不見他們，感受不到直接的touch。雖然，阿公阿嬤對他也很寶貝，可是爸爸媽媽才是他心裡的依靠。這種種的情況下，他的體貼，使他不能抱怨誰，只能默默承受。但對未來，他會不會也變得默默承受呢？他會抱怨自己嗎？我看不出來有什麼徵兆這麼顯示。除了最開始時，不想跟媽媽說話，或者偶而在幼稚園會打別人之外，聽話依舊，頑皮依舊，所有的習性（例如潔癖與堅持）大致上依舊。只是不會在一到週末就吵著要去大大的公園玩（大安森林公園，他曾經與媽媽和其它的人一起去玩的公園），因為阿公阿嬤沒有那麼大的力氣跟著他一起跑跑跳跳。當然，他也經常提出要去愛買，但不會為此而哭鬧不休。通常阿嬤答應帶他去，就一定會帶他去。他大部份的時間，還是看著電視，很愛吃巧克力和糖，總是跟自己玩玩具。只要阿嬤有空，也一定會陪他玩。前幾天，阿公不想被（他）迫陪他玩時，他真是難過地掉著大滴的眼淚呢。但現在，阿公也讓步了，邊坐著看電視邊應付著他。不過，我感到他看電視常會出現的大吼大叫，顯然聲音小了一點，次數少了一點。還有那種希望大家都知道他高興什麼的舉動，也少了一點點。我想這主要是，一旦大家都去看電視時，只有他在房間看，大家都知道他就是會因為卡通裡的劇情而鬼叫，於是在習知之後，對他鬼叫的反應變得不如以前熱絡到每次都會跑進看他鬼叫什麼。他很怕大人吵架，或者說話聲音兇了一點。以前，他會直接喊，「不要吵架」。但自從上次為了是不是吃太多炸薯條的事，阿公阿嬤講話爭執了點，當時的他停止了開心的蹦蹦跳跳，乖乖地坐著，安靜地吃著他碗中的薯條。那時，我跟他說，「吃炸薯條要多喝水，如果不喝的話，會生病喔。阿公就是擔心你會像上次一樣生病，才一直要告訴阿嬤，叫她不要給你吃太多」。後來，只要吃炸的或甜的，阿嬤叫他喝水，他都會乖乖地喝。（雜七雜八地寫）這段時間，對他而言，開始了有了壓在心底的情感，開始有了一些沒法分享或說不出來的感受（當然他並不知道是什麼），與以前的很直接、很自然的表達，雖然沒有相差太遠，快樂依舊，哇哇依舊，但總感到什麼地方有一些些不一樣了。是因為他長大了一點，還是參雜了別的原因呢？
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051226~：
晚飯後，我拿著新的機器人紅皮箱給小朋友看一看，再跟他說我星期三要出門的事。我想他應該會感覺到我要出遠門了。他只是問我，可不可以放他的玩具。我跟他說，「今天可以，但明天就不行囉，明天就要放衣服了」。但是，他拿著玩具，比了比，並沒放進去。
晚上，從陽台看見小朋友洗好澡，跑出來，張著大嘴，要阿公看他刷乾淨的牙齒。阿公叫他進去睡覺。他就抱住阿公的大腿，賴著阿公抱他進去房間。這讓我想起前幾天，他不只一次當著阿公的面說，「你是我爸爸，你是我爸爸。」後來，我進來對阿公說，他開始抱阿公的大腿了，就像抱他媽媽的大腿一樣。阿公就告訴我今天下午幼稚園老師說的話。她說，他中午沒睡覺，躺著躺著，就突然坐起來，哭了起來，哭得好可憐喔。阿公告訴老師，他應該是想媽媽了。他從來不在家裡這樣哭，是不想讓阿公阿嬤難過吧。我又對阿公說，「小朋友真的好可憐喔，他把阿公阿嬤當成爸爸媽媽。以後回去澳洲，要與阿公阿嬤分開時，又會很難過，邊哭邊喊著，『阿公，阿嬤???爸爸，媽媽』。」
說完之後，我們都沉默了一會。又講到老姊與老弟小時候也住過阿嬤家。雖然，去阿嬤家時，老姊只有一歲多，但老弟也差不多是他這個年紀，也念了半年的幼稚園。但在爸印象中，好像沒有像他這麼想爸爸媽媽。這之後，我又想起小朋友與阿公阿嬤再見的情景，這怎麼不令人落淚呢？如果他喜歡的人都可以跟他住在一起，不用分離，他就不會這麼難過，不用怎麼忍耐了。這件事，我真的好難對老姊開口喔。你知道嗎？這些日子，只要他在家，時間一到，客廳的電話一響，他就說他要接電話。那總是在晚上，也總是接到媽媽的來電。他媽媽這幾天在布里斯本，只能打電話來，沒法上網。明後天，他媽媽回雪梨後，我想他會有比較長的時間，可以聽媽媽的聲音，跟媽媽說說話。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051227~：
早上，聽到小朋友要出門的聲音，我連忙從床上爬起來，衝了出去。我想到，我只剩下這幾天可以看見他，不能再錯過早上的時間了。我看到的是，他堅持要自己去學校，不用阿公帶，要自己下樓，並跟阿公阿嬤、阿姨掰掰後，就往門外去了。阿公還是跟去了，只是走在後面看著他，過馬路時，仍要照顧一下。那一瞬間，我在後面說著，「唉呀，他在強迫他自己獨立」。後來，我跟阿嬤在講這件事，我說，「他不想阿公阿嬤擔心，他在強迫自己獨立」。
阿嬤又告訴我，昨天晚餐時，他堅持要將阿姨的飯放在餐桌上（每當我晚回去吃時，他們通常會將飯放在電鍋中保溫）。我說，我會到家，進去跟他說我回來了。他居然對我說，「Emily阿姨要去吃飯喔」。我笑笑著對他說，「阿姨現在就要去吃飯」。晚上睡覺前，他一直沒入睡，講了許多話，問阿嬤，阿姨要出去啊？阿嬤說，是啊，阿姨要去舅舅那裡工作。不一會他又講到在雪梨幼稚園裡那個小小「女朋友」的事，還說有一個媽媽要走了，不久又講到他要去找爺爺的爸爸，要去找奶奶的媽媽（好幾天前，他爸爸從約旦打電話來，也從那裡上網講了幾次，阿嬤跟他說，爸爸去看你爺爺奶奶，就是爸爸的爸爸、媽媽。當時他的回答是，阿公阿嬤才是爸爸的爸爸媽媽，只有一個爸爸的爸爸、媽媽。他那時第一次聽到爺爺奶奶。）。阿嬤又跟他說，是你的爺爺，爸爸的爸爸。但他很堅持，是爺爺的爸爸，奶奶的媽媽（我想他在想媽媽爸爸了）。快天亮時，他做了惡夢，在夢裡哭，被阿嬤喚醒了也還在哭。阿嬤抱著他，問他怎麼了。他說，「那個阿嬤在看我，好恐怖喔。我不喜歡那個阿嬤，我不喜歡那個阿嬤」。阿嬤跟他說，「那個是假的，你的阿嬤只有一個（她指指自己），在這裡，叫做黃碧霞??」。阿嬤對我說，可能是幼稚園的老師叫他中午要睡覺，當沒有睡覺時，就跟他說，「你不睡覺的話，阿嬤會看到喔」。
我跟阿嬤說，「他很想媽媽爸爸，喜歡阿公阿嬤，他很體貼，不想要大人擔心。我想他強迫自己要獨立。我想他會自己悄悄地去便便，不像以前，他都會跑出來跟大家報告之後，才去便便，便好了，還會喊阿嬤來幫他擦屁屁。還有早上，他堅持要自己出門上學。他那個表情，不是因為他覺得好玩，他是很認真的。可是他實在是太小了。」「那個恐怖的阿嬤，我想是他心裡要求自己要獨立所產生出來的形象。我想，他這個想法應該有好長一段時間了。倒不是因為阿嬤常常叫他回來要自己脫鞋子，把鞋子放好，把外套脫掉。也不是因為，有時候他不乖或調皮的時候，『阿嬤會說，阿嬤要生氣囉，在不乖，阿嬤就要打人囉』。因為他是個體貼又敏感的小孩（還很堅持自己的講法，潔癖，又自律），體貼爸爸媽媽在雪梨上班，不願意爸爸媽媽擔心，也不要阿公阿嬤擔心，所以在家不敢因為想爸爸媽媽而哭，都是因為別的事哭了，才一起發洩一下。」
（有一次他被打小屁屁，是因為在冷天的浴室裡，把水踢得到處都是。之前阿嬤已經跟他說了好多次，不可亂踢，會弄濕，會感冒的。結果，他仍是沒停下頑皮，就被阿嬤用手打了一下小屁屁。他哇哇大哭，阿公阿姨也都過來看是怎麼了。他說，「阿嬤會打我啦，阿嬤會打我啦」。洗完之後，應該要上床睡覺，他卻跑去阿公房間，想去開電視看。阿公叫他去睡覺，講不聽之下，也被阿公打了小屁屁。他又跑回阿嬤那裡，跟阿嬤說，「阿公打我，阿公會打我啦」。阿姨在旁邊看著，有點生氣，就說，「你不聽話，阿嬤才會打你啊。要睡覺了，你跑去看電視，講不聽，阿公才會打你啊。如果你乖乖去睡覺，阿公阿嬤怎麼會打你呢」。）（以前他有問過阿公阿嬤，「爸爸媽媽為什麼要在雪梨上班」。阿嬤說，「因為爸爸媽媽的工作在雪梨啊」。「阿嬤的工做在這裡？」，「對啊，阿嬤的工作在這裡」。有時候他會講，「我好想媽媽喔」。阿嬤都會說，「媽媽過年就會回來看你，媽媽也很想你啊，媽媽也很喜歡卓思，也很愛卓思啊」。）
「他想要自己照顧自己，也要求自己能照顧自己，我想他應該還不懂得「獨立」這個字。所以才會在心中，自己塑造出一個恐怖的阿嬤。他不是塑造出恐怖的媽媽，是因為他現在在阿嬤家，如果是在媽媽家，就會變成恐佈的媽媽了。這並不是因為阿嬤要求他要自己做這個、做那個，或不聽話的時候，會兇他。阿嬤兇他的時候，並不會讓他覺得可怕到那種地步（但也是有生氣的眼神的）。他之所以會想像出這樣的阿嬤，是他（潛意識中）要求他自己的。他體貼，就不准自己依賴別人。他因想念爸爸媽媽而難過，卻不敢在家裡、在阿公阿嬤面前為此大哭，好像因為這個原因哭，就會惹爸爸媽媽擔心，就會對不起阿公阿嬤，因為阿公阿嬤也很喜歡他。可是，他才三歲多耶，還不懂得如何處理自己的情感。這件事該怎麼處理呢？得想辦法讓他能為這件事大哭一哭。」
最後，阿公回來了。在他們面前，我說，「以後回去澳洲之後，老大要生小孩、照顧小嬰兒，就算還有力氣陪他，時間也不會像以前多。再加上又換了新房子，他需要時間適應。那段時間，他的心裡得依靠著阿公阿嬤了。等小嬰兒大一點，或者他慢慢地接受這些改變，不同的房子，多了一個比他小的小孩，自然地接受自己是哥哥之後，才會比較好一點。」（有幾次，他在我面前露出憂鬱或濕濕的眼神，被我「接住」了。其實，我很想讓他好好地哭一哭，讓他覺得他是可以為這件事哭的，不會給誰帶來困擾，不會讓誰傷心。但他都是很快地收起這樣的心情。）
（這又令我想到，他強迫自己不讓人擔心，要獨立，不要依賴，這是否會影響到他長大後與親近的人的關係與處理。他會不會變成一個很獨立的人，可是他的情感是很脆弱的。）（也許他那種直接表達情緒的大吼大叫，或雙手摀著臉頰「喔，my god」地衝進房間，到處找藥膏要給阿公擦（阿公只是喝多了點酒，臉紅了，但他以為是受傷了），某方面來說，只是掩飾他的脆弱。應該要讓他知道，脆弱、大哭，並不是錯的，並不會為難他所喜歡的人。因想媽媽，也不會對不起阿嬤。要教他，如果想媽媽，可以怎麼表現出來，不論是哭叫，或找阿公阿嬤抱抱。）（阿嬤說，學校有兩個老師，陳老師比較懂小孩的心理，詹老師就比較兇。也許這個「恐怖阿嬤」也參雜了詹老師的影子。）
【剛才，我想清楚了些，便將這些想法再去跟阿嬤說，要想辦法讓他的情緒發洩出來，不管是用逗的或什麼方式，還要讓他漸漸明白，發洩這些情緒，是可以被接受的，是允許的, 盡量不要讓他「自己不允許自己」這麼做，讓「恐怖的阿嬤」不會長大。雖然，如果小朋友哭哭鬧鬧，阿公可能會不高興，但也只能這樣了。（我想以他的個性，不會天天哭哭鬧鬧到無法收拾的地步。因為他太節制自己了。）阿嬤覺得：不要讓他媽媽知道太詳細，怕他媽媽擔心，會影響小寶寶的。又或者會在過年回家之後，就把小朋友接回去。雖然，小朋友在他媽媽身邊是很好，他媽媽可能會忙不過來，（那樣他的感覺也會受傷）。阿嬤認為只要告訴他媽媽，想辦法讓他發洩情緒，以及「恐怖的阿嬤」的事（他做的夢）。】
晚上回到家，送給小朋友一個小熊寶寶，讓他可以抱抱。在這裡，他所有的玩具，都太硬了，沒有柔軟一點的東西。我想，小熊寶寶可以讓他多些機會發舒一下柔情。只不過，我擔心這麼做是否又會讓他想起他媽媽而暗自難過了呢？不過，他拿到小熊寶寶的時候，真的很開心。他接過小熊寶寶，看著它，「哇，是小熊熊耶」，還講了一個應該是卡通裡的名字。我想那應該是卡通小熊的名字吧。後來，到了客廳，他抱著它，笑嘻嘻地靠了過來，於是我便將他與小熊寶寶一起抱了起來。 飯後，我整理好行李，拿到客廳裡放著。進進出出的他，當然也看到了。而到了要睡覺的時間，他表現得特別高興，還一定要講故事給我聽。我覺得他的特別高興，是他沒辦法接受那只皮箱所代表的含意，所產生的自我防禦。我聽著他說故事，圖畫書中有一個南瓜做的車子，他邊講邊看著我說，「要去坐火車，去工作」。我對他點點頭。之後，他又回到原本的故事內容了。
其實小朋友會有最近的情況，不單是因為與他媽媽的分開。雖然，這樣的分離，確實是引發他要求自己「獨立」的因素。但最主要的是，它讓他們提早知道他對情緒處理的方式。就算沒有這樣的分離，如果沒注意到這一點，他仍會漸漸產生出另一個類似「恐怖的阿嬤」來管束他自己的（我想，阿嬤對於「恐怖的阿嬤」，雖然表面上理解，但心裡應是難過的，因為用了「阿嬤」這個代名詞。但現在是住在阿嬤家，是阿嬤與他最親，小孩子總會用最親的人作為他負面情緒所發展出來的幻想角色。）。他是一個只去表達情緒明亮面的小孩。對他來說，明亮面，是被允許，被鼓勵的。對於情緒的陰暗面，他只會默默接受，隱藏著，以一種「體恤」心與行為來代替哭泣。對於他，陰暗這一面的情緒表達，並未受到大大的鼓勵（他似乎不能只是微微地鼓勵，那會讓他在這方面退縮的），當然也沒有人不允許他這麼做，但他就是會不允許自己這麼做。 提早發現，能怎麼說，某種程度來說是好的，不會讓他在不知不覺中，過度管束自己，甚至在心裡幻想出一個堅固或具破壞性的形象。
晚上聽小朋友講故事時，我明白了阿嬤早上跟我說的事。阿嬤說，她有時候都聽不懂他說的話，不管是中文或英文。這可能是這個年紀的小朋友會有的咬字不清或句子不完整。傍晚，我聽Ｄ先生說，他們家的小男生小時候也是這樣，但小女生就學得很快，在他看來，男生在這方面是比女生慢了一點（我想他也是想讓我放心）。早前些日子，阿嬤也曾說過，跟他玩的時候，一邊玩一邊教他什麼東西怎麼講。但他總是堅持以自己第一次的發音或聽到的音為依據，不願更改，或是堅持那樣才是對的。阿嬤覺得這是因為他固執的關係。當然也可以這麼解釋，某種程度上，也是如此的。 稍早前，我本來還疑惑，有沒有可能因為情緒壓抑的關係，而有一點點學習退縮的現象。但我今晚發現真正的問題了：阿姨比阿公阿嬤聽得懂他的話，不論是他的童音，或是片段、跳躍、不完整的字句，阿姨幾乎都知道他在講什麼，也幫他重講一遍，而他也會重覆一遍。雖然不是每次都說得很好，但慢慢練習，總是有進步的。他說故事的時候，有時吱吱唔唔的，有時詞句顛倒，我都會說，「喔是??（這樣嗎）」或是「啊，你是說??（這樣啊）」。他會跟著我重新講那一句話，也會改變他某些字詞的發音。（但對於卡通裡的名字，他就不依阿姨的了，還會「糾正」我。我想是因為他早我一步看了那些卡通，而他口中講的發音怪怪的名字，早已跟卡通人物及他的心情結合在一起，不讓人改了。）
Grandma usually teased him: "Do you like grandma? Do you love grandma?" He said nothing. The third day when he was in the hospital, he sit up, gave grandma a hug and said: "I love you, I like you." She is so important to him that he realised grandma has replaced mami in some ways.
The notes from Idris's aunt tells the story in a very detail and different way. A bit sad, but I think it's closer to his heart.
我想跟你說的是小卓思的事。到底要怎麼講比較好。老媽因為怕你擔心而不敢講得太仔細，當然有些是一時沒想到要講。但我實在也會擔心，又覺得，你是媽媽，應該要知道。也許目前有辦法可以處理，但這些處理需要長時間的進行，不是一兩個月的事。我所指的辦法，就在我附的雜記的末尾。剛寫好的，可以跟老媽討論怎麼具體進行。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051221~：
小卓思今晚特別想爸爸媽媽。他抱著大小三個蜘蛛俠，像寶貝一樣擁在懷裡，小聲地說著，「爸爸，爸爸???」。因為阿公這幾天對他都很嚴肅，都在排斥他，不接受他拿玩具來跟他玩，不要他從房間出來鬼叫、到處跑。阿公開始不耐煩了。???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051224~：
（突然想到「堅持到底」的這個遺傳，是全家人都有的，連小朋友也是。週六中午，小朋友吃了一堆午餐。邊吃邊與阿公乾杯，一個喝水，一個喝小酒。最後，阿姨起鬨著說，「要喝光光喔」。小朋友於是努力地拿著他那杯有五、六百毫升，幾乎裝滿的杯子，努力地喝。我們看他實在喝不下了，一直勸他不要喝了。但他很堅持。只見他越喝越慢，就快要從喉嚨裡倒溢出來了。你可以想像得到嗎，什麼是喝水喝到醉。我看他的眼神一會兒飄忽，一會兒又想努力集中精神再喝。就算只能吞進一點，但是一點就一點地熬著。他的小肚肚真是撐到不行了，不時還得靠到阿嬤身上休息一下。我們一直勸他不要再喝了，他始終是搖搖頭。我看他真的想喝完，但說話已經有氣無力了。他不喝完好像自己會後悔，好像就不完整似的，就像他吃東西一樣，即使一粒黏在碗裡的飯粒，他都要把自己碗中的東西吃到乾乾淨淨的。我想成全他，給他一點鼓勵，繼續喝光它。於是我雙手舉起來，握著拳，做出一個加油的動作，「好，Emily阿姨幫你加油」。他一聽，就突然精神奕奕地坐直起來，跟我做一樣的動作，笑說著，「加油喔。我好厲害喲。」再接著繼續喝。他最後的這幾口，真的是帶著信心與力量完成的。我想，他雖然肚子很撐，但應該也是相當滿意自己的吧。後來我跟阿公阿嬤說，「這真是家族遺傳啊。」我想，這幾天對阿公說，小朋友把他當作爸爸，以及這類家族遺傳的好個性，讓阿公不會再對他這麼嚴肅了，也不會老是因為他吵到阿公看電視時，被阿公罵。至少這一點改變，讓我對將離開一段時間，不會感到太過放心不下。──我應該把它寫成小故事，寄給姊，題目是「喝水喝到醉的小孩」。???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051225~：
昨天，好不容易對小朋友提起我要出遠門的事，下週三去，過年前回來。但我想他應該體會不到這一番話的意義，除非他親眼看到我拎著行李出門。但那會是一個多大的傷害啊。可是如果不讓他知道，或者親眼看到，他會突然找不到Emily阿姨，或許或漸漸覺得我為什麼把他丟下。這，很為難，也很難過。自從我看到他抱著大小三個蜘蛛俠之後，便沒有再見到這樣的舉動了。但生活中，漸漸明顯的是，將阿嬤當作媽媽，阿公當作爸爸。不時會叫出「媽，媽媽」，或者當著阿公的面說，「你是我爸爸」，「這是我爸爸做的」。而這兩天，他會說，「Emily阿姨，媽媽」。 你知道今晚還發生什麼事嗎？他自己去大便，我想他是覺得可以自己完成它。但唯一的是全家都擔心他沒擦屁屁。阿公叫阿嬤快去看看他的屁屁，他就邊玩邊爬地躲到阿公的房間。我追進去看，結果看到他一不小心撞到了床角。他站起來，右手摀著頭，淚汪汪地看著我說，「好痛喔」。我趕緊過去幫他呼一呼，按著他被撞到的地方。兩個人就靠著床角的兩頭，一起撫著痛痛。突然，他對我說，「謝謝媽媽」。我知道這個動作讓他想起了媽媽，一時間只能在床邊將他抱進懷裡，「不痛不痛，阿姨知道」。他低著沉默了一會，又抬起頭了，轉身擦擦眼角的淚水。我想那淚水不只是因為撞到頭，還有想媽媽。我跟他說，「乖乖，不痛了，要不要笑一個」。我拿起地上的小積木，稍早前他將它們當作披薩。問他，「阿姨可不可以吃一個披薩？」他點點頭，我們便開始玩玩具了。後來，他看到爸爸媽媽的照片，又順口說出，「好久沒有看到爸爸媽媽了。」我只能說，「媽媽過年的時候會回來啊」。
我知道他越來越想媽媽爸爸了。他不是一個會直接因為這件事大哭的小孩，只會在受傷或不聽話、被罵的時候，邊哭邊想。但最近這些日子，他的思念比以前更為明顯了。他總是在生活中，那些與爸爸媽媽共有的，似曾相識的感覺中，找尋爸爸媽媽的影子。他偶而把阿公阿嬤當作爸爸媽媽叫，只是因為他們給他的感覺，跟他爸爸媽媽很像。他把想念轉嫁在這個上面，讓爸爸媽媽有了具體的延伸。但我想，此刻的他，仍是知道誰是他爸爸媽媽。他沒辦法處理自己的思念，只能用這種方式來發洩與安慰自己。──前幾天，我也將這件事告訴爸媽了。
有時候，我會想，是不是要讓他分清楚爸爸媽媽與阿公阿嬤呢？但那似乎太殘忍了。我只能順著他的感覺，讓他的想念，至少有個出口。但我要怎麼跟姊說這件事呢？會不會讓她在懷孕中，又得擔心著這件事呢？──不，她是媽媽，應該要知道的。但我想她也會相信阿公阿嬤照顧他的用心與全心。就容許他暫時用這種方式發洩一下。該想想的是，未來會不會有什麼心裡的洞需要撫慰與呵護的呢？對他來說，這真的是太難處理了。爸爸媽媽並不是不愛他，他們還天天上網或打電話來講講話。但是他看不見他們，感受不到直接的touch。雖然，阿公阿嬤對他也很寶貝，可是爸爸媽媽才是他心裡的依靠。這種種的情況下，他的體貼，使他不能抱怨誰，只能默默承受。但對未來，他會不會也變得默默承受呢？他會抱怨自己嗎？我看不出來有什麼徵兆這麼顯示。除了最開始時，不想跟媽媽說話，或者偶而在幼稚園會打別人之外，聽話依舊，頑皮依舊，所有的習性（例如潔癖與堅持）大致上依舊。只是不會在一到週末就吵著要去大大的公園玩（大安森林公園，他曾經與媽媽和其它的人一起去玩的公園），因為阿公阿嬤沒有那麼大的力氣跟著他一起跑跑跳跳。當然，他也經常提出要去愛買，但不會為此而哭鬧不休。通常阿嬤答應帶他去，就一定會帶他去。他大部份的時間，還是看著電視，很愛吃巧克力和糖，總是跟自己玩玩具。只要阿嬤有空，也一定會陪他玩。前幾天，阿公不想被（他）迫陪他玩時，他真是難過地掉著大滴的眼淚呢。但現在，阿公也讓步了，邊坐著看電視邊應付著他。不過，我感到他看電視常會出現的大吼大叫，顯然聲音小了一點，次數少了一點。還有那種希望大家都知道他高興什麼的舉動，也少了一點點。我想這主要是，一旦大家都去看電視時，只有他在房間看，大家都知道他就是會因為卡通裡的劇情而鬼叫，於是在習知之後，對他鬼叫的反應變得不如以前熱絡到每次都會跑進看他鬼叫什麼。他很怕大人吵架，或者說話聲音兇了一點。以前，他會直接喊，「不要吵架」。但自從上次為了是不是吃太多炸薯條的事，阿公阿嬤講話爭執了點，當時的他停止了開心的蹦蹦跳跳，乖乖地坐著，安靜地吃著他碗中的薯條。那時，我跟他說，「吃炸薯條要多喝水，如果不喝的話，會生病喔。阿公就是擔心你會像上次一樣生病，才一直要告訴阿嬤，叫她不要給你吃太多」。後來，只要吃炸的或甜的，阿嬤叫他喝水，他都會乖乖地喝。（雜七雜八地寫）這段時間，對他而言，開始了有了壓在心底的情感，開始有了一些沒法分享或說不出來的感受（當然他並不知道是什麼），與以前的很直接、很自然的表達，雖然沒有相差太遠，快樂依舊，哇哇依舊，但總感到什麼地方有一些些不一樣了。是因為他長大了一點，還是參雜了別的原因呢？
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051226~：
晚飯後，我拿著新的機器人紅皮箱給小朋友看一看，再跟他說我星期三要出門的事。我想他應該會感覺到我要出遠門了。他只是問我，可不可以放他的玩具。我跟他說，「今天可以，但明天就不行囉，明天就要放衣服了」。但是，他拿著玩具，比了比，並沒放進去。
晚上，從陽台看見小朋友洗好澡，跑出來，張著大嘴，要阿公看他刷乾淨的牙齒。阿公叫他進去睡覺。他就抱住阿公的大腿，賴著阿公抱他進去房間。這讓我想起前幾天，他不只一次當著阿公的面說，「你是我爸爸，你是我爸爸。」後來，我進來對阿公說，他開始抱阿公的大腿了，就像抱他媽媽的大腿一樣。阿公就告訴我今天下午幼稚園老師說的話。她說，他中午沒睡覺，躺著躺著，就突然坐起來，哭了起來，哭得好可憐喔。阿公告訴老師，他應該是想媽媽了。他從來不在家裡這樣哭，是不想讓阿公阿嬤難過吧。我又對阿公說，「小朋友真的好可憐喔，他把阿公阿嬤當成爸爸媽媽。以後回去澳洲，要與阿公阿嬤分開時，又會很難過，邊哭邊喊著，『阿公，阿嬤???爸爸，媽媽』。」
說完之後，我們都沉默了一會。又講到老姊與老弟小時候也住過阿嬤家。雖然，去阿嬤家時，老姊只有一歲多，但老弟也差不多是他這個年紀，也念了半年的幼稚園。但在爸印象中，好像沒有像他這麼想爸爸媽媽。這之後，我又想起小朋友與阿公阿嬤再見的情景，這怎麼不令人落淚呢？如果他喜歡的人都可以跟他住在一起，不用分離，他就不會這麼難過，不用怎麼忍耐了。這件事，我真的好難對老姊開口喔。你知道嗎？這些日子，只要他在家，時間一到，客廳的電話一響，他就說他要接電話。那總是在晚上，也總是接到媽媽的來電。他媽媽這幾天在布里斯本，只能打電話來，沒法上網。明後天，他媽媽回雪梨後，我想他會有比較長的時間，可以聽媽媽的聲音，跟媽媽說說話。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20051227~：
早上，聽到小朋友要出門的聲音，我連忙從床上爬起來，衝了出去。我想到，我只剩下這幾天可以看見他，不能再錯過早上的時間了。我看到的是，他堅持要自己去學校，不用阿公帶，要自己下樓，並跟阿公阿嬤、阿姨掰掰後，就往門外去了。阿公還是跟去了，只是走在後面看著他，過馬路時，仍要照顧一下。那一瞬間，我在後面說著，「唉呀，他在強迫他自己獨立」。後來，我跟阿嬤在講這件事，我說，「他不想阿公阿嬤擔心，他在強迫自己獨立」。
阿嬤又告訴我，昨天晚餐時，他堅持要將阿姨的飯放在餐桌上（每當我晚回去吃時，他們通常會將飯放在電鍋中保溫）。我說，我會到家，進去跟他說我回來了。他居然對我說，「Emily阿姨要去吃飯喔」。我笑笑著對他說，「阿姨現在就要去吃飯」。晚上睡覺前，他一直沒入睡，講了許多話，問阿嬤，阿姨要出去啊？阿嬤說，是啊，阿姨要去舅舅那裡工作。不一會他又講到在雪梨幼稚園裡那個小小「女朋友」的事，還說有一個媽媽要走了，不久又講到他要去找爺爺的爸爸，要去找奶奶的媽媽（好幾天前，他爸爸從約旦打電話來，也從那裡上網講了幾次，阿嬤跟他說，爸爸去看你爺爺奶奶，就是爸爸的爸爸、媽媽。當時他的回答是，阿公阿嬤才是爸爸的爸爸媽媽，只有一個爸爸的爸爸、媽媽。他那時第一次聽到爺爺奶奶。）。阿嬤又跟他說，是你的爺爺，爸爸的爸爸。但他很堅持，是爺爺的爸爸，奶奶的媽媽（我想他在想媽媽爸爸了）。快天亮時，他做了惡夢，在夢裡哭，被阿嬤喚醒了也還在哭。阿嬤抱著他，問他怎麼了。他說，「那個阿嬤在看我，好恐怖喔。我不喜歡那個阿嬤，我不喜歡那個阿嬤」。阿嬤跟他說，「那個是假的，你的阿嬤只有一個（她指指自己），在這裡，叫做黃碧霞??」。阿嬤對我說，可能是幼稚園的老師叫他中午要睡覺，當沒有睡覺時，就跟他說，「你不睡覺的話，阿嬤會看到喔」。
我跟阿嬤說，「他很想媽媽爸爸，喜歡阿公阿嬤，他很體貼，不想要大人擔心。我想他強迫自己要獨立。我想他會自己悄悄地去便便，不像以前，他都會跑出來跟大家報告之後，才去便便，便好了，還會喊阿嬤來幫他擦屁屁。還有早上，他堅持要自己出門上學。他那個表情，不是因為他覺得好玩，他是很認真的。可是他實在是太小了。」「那個恐怖的阿嬤，我想是他心裡要求自己要獨立所產生出來的形象。我想，他這個想法應該有好長一段時間了。倒不是因為阿嬤常常叫他回來要自己脫鞋子，把鞋子放好，把外套脫掉。也不是因為，有時候他不乖或調皮的時候，『阿嬤會說，阿嬤要生氣囉，在不乖，阿嬤就要打人囉』。因為他是個體貼又敏感的小孩（還很堅持自己的講法，潔癖，又自律），體貼爸爸媽媽在雪梨上班，不願意爸爸媽媽擔心，也不要阿公阿嬤擔心，所以在家不敢因為想爸爸媽媽而哭，都是因為別的事哭了，才一起發洩一下。」
（有一次他被打小屁屁，是因為在冷天的浴室裡，把水踢得到處都是。之前阿嬤已經跟他說了好多次，不可亂踢，會弄濕，會感冒的。結果，他仍是沒停下頑皮，就被阿嬤用手打了一下小屁屁。他哇哇大哭，阿公阿姨也都過來看是怎麼了。他說，「阿嬤會打我啦，阿嬤會打我啦」。洗完之後，應該要上床睡覺，他卻跑去阿公房間，想去開電視看。阿公叫他去睡覺，講不聽之下，也被阿公打了小屁屁。他又跑回阿嬤那裡，跟阿嬤說，「阿公打我，阿公會打我啦」。阿姨在旁邊看著，有點生氣，就說，「你不聽話，阿嬤才會打你啊。要睡覺了，你跑去看電視，講不聽，阿公才會打你啊。如果你乖乖去睡覺，阿公阿嬤怎麼會打你呢」。）（以前他有問過阿公阿嬤，「爸爸媽媽為什麼要在雪梨上班」。阿嬤說，「因為爸爸媽媽的工作在雪梨啊」。「阿嬤的工做在這裡？」，「對啊，阿嬤的工作在這裡」。有時候他會講，「我好想媽媽喔」。阿嬤都會說，「媽媽過年就會回來看你，媽媽也很想你啊，媽媽也很喜歡卓思，也很愛卓思啊」。）
「他想要自己照顧自己，也要求自己能照顧自己，我想他應該還不懂得「獨立」這個字。所以才會在心中，自己塑造出一個恐怖的阿嬤。他不是塑造出恐怖的媽媽，是因為他現在在阿嬤家，如果是在媽媽家，就會變成恐佈的媽媽了。這並不是因為阿嬤要求他要自己做這個、做那個，或不聽話的時候，會兇他。阿嬤兇他的時候，並不會讓他覺得可怕到那種地步（但也是有生氣的眼神的）。他之所以會想像出這樣的阿嬤，是他（潛意識中）要求他自己的。他體貼，就不准自己依賴別人。他因想念爸爸媽媽而難過，卻不敢在家裡、在阿公阿嬤面前為此大哭，好像因為這個原因哭，就會惹爸爸媽媽擔心，就會對不起阿公阿嬤，因為阿公阿嬤也很喜歡他。可是，他才三歲多耶，還不懂得如何處理自己的情感。這件事該怎麼處理呢？得想辦法讓他能為這件事大哭一哭。」
最後，阿公回來了。在他們面前，我說，「以後回去澳洲之後，老大要生小孩、照顧小嬰兒，就算還有力氣陪他，時間也不會像以前多。再加上又換了新房子，他需要時間適應。那段時間，他的心裡得依靠著阿公阿嬤了。等小嬰兒大一點，或者他慢慢地接受這些改變，不同的房子，多了一個比他小的小孩，自然地接受自己是哥哥之後，才會比較好一點。」（有幾次，他在我面前露出憂鬱或濕濕的眼神，被我「接住」了。其實，我很想讓他好好地哭一哭，讓他覺得他是可以為這件事哭的，不會給誰帶來困擾，不會讓誰傷心。但他都是很快地收起這樣的心情。）
（這又令我想到，他強迫自己不讓人擔心，要獨立，不要依賴，這是否會影響到他長大後與親近的人的關係與處理。他會不會變成一個很獨立的人，可是他的情感是很脆弱的。）（也許他那種直接表達情緒的大吼大叫，或雙手摀著臉頰「喔，my god」地衝進房間，到處找藥膏要給阿公擦（阿公只是喝多了點酒，臉紅了，但他以為是受傷了），某方面來說，只是掩飾他的脆弱。應該要讓他知道，脆弱、大哭，並不是錯的，並不會為難他所喜歡的人。因想媽媽，也不會對不起阿嬤。要教他，如果想媽媽，可以怎麼表現出來，不論是哭叫，或找阿公阿嬤抱抱。）（阿嬤說，學校有兩個老師，陳老師比較懂小孩的心理，詹老師就比較兇。也許這個「恐怖阿嬤」也參雜了詹老師的影子。）
【剛才，我想清楚了些，便將這些想法再去跟阿嬤說，要想辦法讓他的情緒發洩出來，不管是用逗的或什麼方式，還要讓他漸漸明白，發洩這些情緒，是可以被接受的，是允許的, 盡量不要讓他「自己不允許自己」這麼做，讓「恐怖的阿嬤」不會長大。雖然，如果小朋友哭哭鬧鬧，阿公可能會不高興，但也只能這樣了。（我想以他的個性，不會天天哭哭鬧鬧到無法收拾的地步。因為他太節制自己了。）阿嬤覺得：不要讓他媽媽知道太詳細，怕他媽媽擔心，會影響小寶寶的。又或者會在過年回家之後，就把小朋友接回去。雖然，小朋友在他媽媽身邊是很好，他媽媽可能會忙不過來，（那樣他的感覺也會受傷）。阿嬤認為只要告訴他媽媽，想辦法讓他發洩情緒，以及「恐怖的阿嬤」的事（他做的夢）。】
晚上回到家，送給小朋友一個小熊寶寶，讓他可以抱抱。在這裡，他所有的玩具，都太硬了，沒有柔軟一點的東西。我想，小熊寶寶可以讓他多些機會發舒一下柔情。只不過，我擔心這麼做是否又會讓他想起他媽媽而暗自難過了呢？不過，他拿到小熊寶寶的時候，真的很開心。他接過小熊寶寶，看著它，「哇，是小熊熊耶」，還講了一個應該是卡通裡的名字。我想那應該是卡通小熊的名字吧。後來，到了客廳，他抱著它，笑嘻嘻地靠了過來，於是我便將他與小熊寶寶一起抱了起來。 飯後，我整理好行李，拿到客廳裡放著。進進出出的他，當然也看到了。而到了要睡覺的時間，他表現得特別高興，還一定要講故事給我聽。我覺得他的特別高興，是他沒辦法接受那只皮箱所代表的含意，所產生的自我防禦。我聽著他說故事，圖畫書中有一個南瓜做的車子，他邊講邊看著我說，「要去坐火車，去工作」。我對他點點頭。之後，他又回到原本的故事內容了。
其實小朋友會有最近的情況，不單是因為與他媽媽的分開。雖然，這樣的分離，確實是引發他要求自己「獨立」的因素。但最主要的是，它讓他們提早知道他對情緒處理的方式。就算沒有這樣的分離，如果沒注意到這一點，他仍會漸漸產生出另一個類似「恐怖的阿嬤」來管束他自己的（我想，阿嬤對於「恐怖的阿嬤」，雖然表面上理解，但心裡應是難過的，因為用了「阿嬤」這個代名詞。但現在是住在阿嬤家，是阿嬤與他最親，小孩子總會用最親的人作為他負面情緒所發展出來的幻想角色。）。他是一個只去表達情緒明亮面的小孩。對他來說，明亮面，是被允許，被鼓勵的。對於情緒的陰暗面，他只會默默接受，隱藏著，以一種「體恤」心與行為來代替哭泣。對於他，陰暗這一面的情緒表達，並未受到大大的鼓勵（他似乎不能只是微微地鼓勵，那會讓他在這方面退縮的），當然也沒有人不允許他這麼做，但他就是會不允許自己這麼做。 提早發現，能怎麼說，某種程度來說是好的，不會讓他在不知不覺中，過度管束自己，甚至在心裡幻想出一個堅固或具破壞性的形象。
晚上聽小朋友講故事時，我明白了阿嬤早上跟我說的事。阿嬤說，她有時候都聽不懂他說的話，不管是中文或英文。這可能是這個年紀的小朋友會有的咬字不清或句子不完整。傍晚，我聽Ｄ先生說，他們家的小男生小時候也是這樣，但小女生就學得很快，在他看來，男生在這方面是比女生慢了一點（我想他也是想讓我放心）。早前些日子，阿嬤也曾說過，跟他玩的時候，一邊玩一邊教他什麼東西怎麼講。但他總是堅持以自己第一次的發音或聽到的音為依據，不願更改，或是堅持那樣才是對的。阿嬤覺得這是因為他固執的關係。當然也可以這麼解釋，某種程度上，也是如此的。 稍早前，我本來還疑惑，有沒有可能因為情緒壓抑的關係，而有一點點學習退縮的現象。但我今晚發現真正的問題了：阿姨比阿公阿嬤聽得懂他的話，不論是他的童音，或是片段、跳躍、不完整的字句，阿姨幾乎都知道他在講什麼，也幫他重講一遍，而他也會重覆一遍。雖然不是每次都說得很好，但慢慢練習，總是有進步的。他說故事的時候，有時吱吱唔唔的，有時詞句顛倒，我都會說，「喔是??（這樣嗎）」或是「啊，你是說??（這樣啊）」。他會跟著我重新講那一句話，也會改變他某些字詞的發音。（但對於卡通裡的名字，他就不依阿姨的了，還會「糾正」我。我想是因為他早我一步看了那些卡通，而他口中講的發音怪怪的名字，早已跟卡通人物及他的心情結合在一起，不讓人改了。）
"Grandpa had all my food."
Few weeks ago, Idris had a serious flu that he had high fever, up and down for two days. Grandma and grandpa had to send him to the hospital. They took a sample from his infected area and grow for 24 hours. They gave him glucose injection to keep his fruid up to a level for he couldn't swallow and he was a bit dehydrated. I was told it's a common cold circulating amongst children in day care center, most of them had fever for one week. I would say the cold is far too strong!
The day before he went to the hospital, he was in fever and he didn't like to take any medicine to reduce the temperature. We spoke on the phone for over an hour, actually, I was singing to him all the time. When it was enough, he said bye bye to me and he took the medicine.
Idris was very tired for the first day in the hospital, but he didn't want anybody to examine him. A trainee doctor knew the trick and convinced him to open his mouth. Grandma said, by the second day, he was a bit better, but still not allowed to eat solid. Grandpa had lunch in another room, just so Idris wouldn't see him eating. Unfortunately, Idris saw the lunch bag that grandpa dumped, he cried to a nurse: "Grandpa had all my food!" He sounded so sorry that he would never have food to eat.
He was so tired that he didn't know he poo when he was in deep sleep. After cleaning up, he asked grandma, "Can I have nappy on?" So he didn't want to make himself dirty again.
It came to the third day in the hospital, hungry as usual, Idris asked grandma to go shopping together, so he could by what he like to eat. I asked him what he like to buy, he said, bread and chocolate. However, they had to only walk within the hospital territory. While Idris found out abuot that, he decided to go home. It's closer to supermarket anyway.
During those three days, three adults were helping a sick child: grandma stayed in the front line, grandpa did all the delivery, aunty was responsible for all the logistic. Who said it's easy to raise a child!
Here is a note to the trainee doctor we thanked.
我把卓思出院前的照片，放在website, 裡面還有曉莉阿姨(實習醫生)與卓思的合照，及她送給卓思的禮物 (蜘蛛俠、比卡丘戥等等的貼紙，及蜘蛛俠口罩)。這小子，住個院，也可以樂歪了。
曉莉阿姨，
卓思的阿嬤告訴卓思，卓思這麼說：「謝謝曉莉阿姨(這幾天的照顧)，還有給卓思的禮物。」
阿嬤又說，卓思回到家後，就四處獻寶：
「你看，是蜘蛛俠(口罩)，這個是曉莉阿姨給我的。還有你看，蜘蛛俠(貼紙)、比卡丘，這個是曉莉阿姨給我的。???」
後來，卓思的阿嬤、阿公把卓思的這些寶貝全部再照一次照片，再加上曉莉阿姨與卓思的合照，一起寄給曉莉阿姨作紀念。
卓思的阿嬤、阿公, 20051201
I had an experience to take care Idris when he was close to one year old. Same thing, fever up and down for few days, and it wasn't just 38.5. I had to took Idris to the hospital twice, because I was too worried. What our children hospitals did was to gave him Nurofin, check up if there was infection in the lumb, then sent us home. I wasn't relaxed because Idris "only" had fever. I had to hire a helper to cook and look after Idris while I was taking a nap. It is my responsibility eventually. Three days, when I was back to work, my colleague told me a news that two children died from high temperature in that flu season. Just to tell me I had done a good job. I was sad and bit angry. Our public resources are far too expensive to us to use. The parents were told their children were all right and made them back home. Whereas the parents had to take the whole resposibility because the children died under their own care.
The day before he went to the hospital, he was in fever and he didn't like to take any medicine to reduce the temperature. We spoke on the phone for over an hour, actually, I was singing to him all the time. When it was enough, he said bye bye to me and he took the medicine.
Idris was very tired for the first day in the hospital, but he didn't want anybody to examine him. A trainee doctor knew the trick and convinced him to open his mouth. Grandma said, by the second day, he was a bit better, but still not allowed to eat solid. Grandpa had lunch in another room, just so Idris wouldn't see him eating. Unfortunately, Idris saw the lunch bag that grandpa dumped, he cried to a nurse: "Grandpa had all my food!" He sounded so sorry that he would never have food to eat.
He was so tired that he didn't know he poo when he was in deep sleep. After cleaning up, he asked grandma, "Can I have nappy on?" So he didn't want to make himself dirty again.
It came to the third day in the hospital, hungry as usual, Idris asked grandma to go shopping together, so he could by what he like to eat. I asked him what he like to buy, he said, bread and chocolate. However, they had to only walk within the hospital territory. While Idris found out abuot that, he decided to go home. It's closer to supermarket anyway.
During those three days, three adults were helping a sick child: grandma stayed in the front line, grandpa did all the delivery, aunty was responsible for all the logistic. Who said it's easy to raise a child!
Here is a note to the trainee doctor we thanked.
我把卓思出院前的照片，放在website, 裡面還有曉莉阿姨(實習醫生)與卓思的合照，及她送給卓思的禮物 (蜘蛛俠、比卡丘戥等等的貼紙，及蜘蛛俠口罩)。這小子，住個院，也可以樂歪了。
曉莉阿姨，
卓思的阿嬤告訴卓思，卓思這麼說：「謝謝曉莉阿姨(這幾天的照顧)，還有給卓思的禮物。」
阿嬤又說，卓思回到家後，就四處獻寶：
「你看，是蜘蛛俠(口罩)，這個是曉莉阿姨給我的。還有你看，蜘蛛俠(貼紙)、比卡丘，這個是曉莉阿姨給我的。???」
後來，卓思的阿嬤、阿公把卓思的這些寶貝全部再照一次照片，再加上曉莉阿姨與卓思的合照，一起寄給曉莉阿姨作紀念。
卓思的阿嬤、阿公, 20051201
I had an experience to take care Idris when he was close to one year old. Same thing, fever up and down for few days, and it wasn't just 38.5. I had to took Idris to the hospital twice, because I was too worried. What our children hospitals did was to gave him Nurofin, check up if there was infection in the lumb, then sent us home. I wasn't relaxed because Idris "only" had fever. I had to hire a helper to cook and look after Idris while I was taking a nap. It is my responsibility eventually. Three days, when I was back to work, my colleague told me a news that two children died from high temperature in that flu season. Just to tell me I had done a good job. I was sad and bit angry. Our public resources are far too expensive to us to use. The parents were told their children were all right and made them back home. Whereas the parents had to take the whole resposibility because the children died under their own care.
"Help me to find Bob the builder."
On 15 Dec, my sister wrote:
Dear both,
You know what Idris said after you two were offline.
He went to toliet (wee wee) and said to Grandma, "I want to see, Bob the Builder, in computer, ....help me to find Bob the builder....", while the Bob builder game was already turned on with the thyme "Bob the builder, can we make it....".
I heard him talked to Grandma, and felt that he started to miss you two, when he couldn't hear your voice, when the conversation was ended, and he felt lost. Then I went out to see him, while he was still in the toliet.
He saw me and kept saying, "help me to find Bob the builder, in computer, help me to find....". I said, "Bob the builder is already there".
When Grandma helped him to put on him pants, standing close to each other. He gave Gandma a big hug, and then smiled.
Now, I knew, he felt better after this hug.
After this, I explained to Grandma. He missed his Daddy and Mumi after the end of the conversation. That's why he kept saying somthing about "Bob the builder, computer, help me to find...". If there was no such hug, he would still feel lost. This could be told by his smile when he was hugging Grandma. I found that, to him, the sound of Bob the builder is like Daddy, the voice, the rhythm and the way of singing.
When Gandpa heard my talk to Grandma, he said to Idris, "You didn't talk to them when they were there, now you miss them...." (this is just the way that our Dad use to express his care).
Then I said to them, "Idris just don't know what to talk. It was so sudden to him. Who can expect a little child to show the social behaviour in a such way. He can only stay still and listen. When he's ready to catch his feelings, he will talk freely. Probably, next time, we can talk as usual, such as he asking for chocolate or bargaining for some sweety to eat. Or let his Daddy and Mumi talk to each other as usual. A living drama, will make him easy to express himself directly."
I said to Grandpa again, "Don't push him what language to speak. If you want him speak in English, then you talk to him in English, and he will catch it soon."
You know, before he went out from "the TV room" and sit in front of the computer, he just agreed with me to talk to Daddy.
You know what I have told him. I spoke in English, close to his ear, and said, "Did you remember you called Daddy yesterday, and said 'Daddy is sleeping now'. Did you remember what I've told you at dinner? 'Your Daddy had called you last night while you were sleeping, and said he would call you today.' I know you miss Daddy, and Daddy miss you so much, too.... Then, talk to Daddy after you finish this (orange 柳丁), ok?". He gave me a slight nod and kept eating the last piece of orange.
After this, Grandpa went to the TV room and said, "if you talk to Daddy, I'll give you a chocolate." Gandpa gave a plus to his agreement.
Anyway, "When he is listening to you both, he feels that you are here with him".
Though he knows a little about "here". How far the "here" can be, but somewhere not in Grandpa's house, and probably a computer-Mumi, a computer-Daddy. Since he can't see you, he has to give himself some symbols to indicated the feeling and meaning of Mumi and Daddy, even the feeling of parents connecting from the pass to the present.
I replied:
You are very right.
From your memo, I think Idris likes to talk to us. However, he is stressed from not knowing what to say. Again and again, if he refuses to speak then regrates afterwards, his stress might tell him to close the door completely.
Quite often when I was on the net, dad asked Idris to talk to me. He always said: "Why don't you talk to mami?" I told him not to be too worry, as long as he is around and can hear my voice, he will be comforted. Maybe we can ask him instead: "Do you like to treat mami a piece of orange?" or "Ask mami to tell you a story or sing a song." or "Mami wants to know what Yoyoman has done today." when I am online. If he is not given a reason or motive, he wouldn't know where and how to start a "conversation". If he comes to the computer with a purpose for just few minutes, I believe that should be enough. That is why I have tried to be online around dinner time. As you memtioned, more "daily life". A child can express better when there is an object in his hand or he is doing something. It is very hard to ask a child to tell a story by just imagination without practicing. I didn't talk about this with mom often, because I don't want to stress her, or I don't want to give her the impression that I don't agree on her education. There is generation gap, it is hard for older generation to catch up all the technology and lifestyle changes. This is whole new experience to us. I keep doing some researches to help me understood and to do better. To Idris, online-conversation could be a plus experience, and he wouldn't feel lost but enjoy it more.
Very importantly, thank you for understanding Idris and encouraging him so many times. That helps a lot.
Dear both,
You know what Idris said after you two were offline.
He went to toliet (wee wee) and said to Grandma, "I want to see, Bob the Builder, in computer, ....help me to find Bob the builder....", while the Bob builder game was already turned on with the thyme "Bob the builder, can we make it....".
I heard him talked to Grandma, and felt that he started to miss you two, when he couldn't hear your voice, when the conversation was ended, and he felt lost. Then I went out to see him, while he was still in the toliet.
He saw me and kept saying, "help me to find Bob the builder, in computer, help me to find....". I said, "Bob the builder is already there".
When Grandma helped him to put on him pants, standing close to each other. He gave Gandma a big hug, and then smiled.
Now, I knew, he felt better after this hug.
After this, I explained to Grandma. He missed his Daddy and Mumi after the end of the conversation. That's why he kept saying somthing about "Bob the builder, computer, help me to find...". If there was no such hug, he would still feel lost. This could be told by his smile when he was hugging Grandma. I found that, to him, the sound of Bob the builder is like Daddy, the voice, the rhythm and the way of singing.
When Gandpa heard my talk to Grandma, he said to Idris, "You didn't talk to them when they were there, now you miss them...." (this is just the way that our Dad use to express his care).
Then I said to them, "Idris just don't know what to talk. It was so sudden to him. Who can expect a little child to show the social behaviour in a such way. He can only stay still and listen. When he's ready to catch his feelings, he will talk freely. Probably, next time, we can talk as usual, such as he asking for chocolate or bargaining for some sweety to eat. Or let his Daddy and Mumi talk to each other as usual. A living drama, will make him easy to express himself directly."
I said to Grandpa again, "Don't push him what language to speak. If you want him speak in English, then you talk to him in English, and he will catch it soon."
You know, before he went out from "the TV room" and sit in front of the computer, he just agreed with me to talk to Daddy.
You know what I have told him. I spoke in English, close to his ear, and said, "Did you remember you called Daddy yesterday, and said 'Daddy is sleeping now'. Did you remember what I've told you at dinner? 'Your Daddy had called you last night while you were sleeping, and said he would call you today.' I know you miss Daddy, and Daddy miss you so much, too.... Then, talk to Daddy after you finish this (orange 柳丁), ok?". He gave me a slight nod and kept eating the last piece of orange.
After this, Grandpa went to the TV room and said, "if you talk to Daddy, I'll give you a chocolate." Gandpa gave a plus to his agreement.
Anyway, "When he is listening to you both, he feels that you are here with him".
Though he knows a little about "here". How far the "here" can be, but somewhere not in Grandpa's house, and probably a computer-Mumi, a computer-Daddy. Since he can't see you, he has to give himself some symbols to indicated the feeling and meaning of Mumi and Daddy, even the feeling of parents connecting from the pass to the present.
I replied:
You are very right.
From your memo, I think Idris likes to talk to us. However, he is stressed from not knowing what to say. Again and again, if he refuses to speak then regrates afterwards, his stress might tell him to close the door completely.
Quite often when I was on the net, dad asked Idris to talk to me. He always said: "Why don't you talk to mami?" I told him not to be too worry, as long as he is around and can hear my voice, he will be comforted. Maybe we can ask him instead: "Do you like to treat mami a piece of orange?" or "Ask mami to tell you a story or sing a song." or "Mami wants to know what Yoyoman has done today." when I am online. If he is not given a reason or motive, he wouldn't know where and how to start a "conversation". If he comes to the computer with a purpose for just few minutes, I believe that should be enough. That is why I have tried to be online around dinner time. As you memtioned, more "daily life". A child can express better when there is an object in his hand or he is doing something. It is very hard to ask a child to tell a story by just imagination without practicing. I didn't talk about this with mom often, because I don't want to stress her, or I don't want to give her the impression that I don't agree on her education. There is generation gap, it is hard for older generation to catch up all the technology and lifestyle changes. This is whole new experience to us. I keep doing some researches to help me understood and to do better. To Idris, online-conversation could be a plus experience, and he wouldn't feel lost but enjoy it more.
Very importantly, thank you for understanding Idris and encouraging him so many times. That helps a lot.
星期六, 10月 01, 2005
Idris is overseas
It has been a month when I sent Idris to Taiwan to learn Chinese. He has been adopting better than I thought, besides the weakened health I concern. Eventually he is not that well after two month of colds, laser operation, and taking a whole day freight. Plus, he needs to have those immunisations updated. Apart from those, he has been a bit aggressive and violent towards people since I left him. Considering his reaction, I believe his problem is minor.
Luckily, his grandparents, aunt, and new teachers love him and I get to speak with him every night. He claimed that "mami miss me." He asked "Where is my MJ?" in some mornings. He said that he is tired and sleepy, so his grandpa would carry him.
He introduced himself as "Spiderman" in the kindergarden. In one math class, the teacher called him "Idris", a boy shouted for him "His name is not Idris, his name is Spiderman". Then, from the principal to all children call him "Spiderman", and he wears his "identity" to kinder all the time.
Luckily, his grandparents, aunt, and new teachers love him and I get to speak with him every night. He claimed that "mami miss me." He asked "Where is my MJ?" in some mornings. He said that he is tired and sleepy, so his grandpa would carry him.
He introduced himself as "Spiderman" in the kindergarden. In one math class, the teacher called him "Idris", a boy shouted for him "His name is not Idris, his name is Spiderman". Then, from the principal to all children call him "Spiderman", and he wears his "identity" to kinder all the time.
星期一, 8月 22, 2005
"Say it with me in Chinese - TAN GWO."
Idris had been longing for his 3rd birthday party. There he had! We were planning to go to Sydney Children Museum's playground for the party. I didn't invite a lot of people, only his playmates I know.
It was on Sunday, a extremely windy Sunday. I called all the guests' parents to come to our little unit home for the party. We had balloons, color strips, and banners to decorate through our home. And we ensured that the children could go anywhere in the house. I prepared some finger food that I believe are delicious and nutritious. It turned out well. Children were happy, it was their party. Idris got some birthday presents, especially a "Spiderman" T-shirt, he wears it all the time since then.
All children got their balloons and said bye-bye when two of our friends came and gave greeting to Idris. He shared and distributed some candies to them. "One for R, one for A, one for Daddy, one for spiderman." "How do we say candy in Chinese?" one of them asked. I replied: "TAN GWO." They tried to copy, yet it was bit hard. Idris couldn't bare and volunteered to correct them: "Say it with me in Chinese -- TAN.... GWO...." "TAN, GWO." they tried again. Then, Idris approved them: "Well done!"
It was on Sunday, a extremely windy Sunday. I called all the guests' parents to come to our little unit home for the party. We had balloons, color strips, and banners to decorate through our home. And we ensured that the children could go anywhere in the house. I prepared some finger food that I believe are delicious and nutritious. It turned out well. Children were happy, it was their party. Idris got some birthday presents, especially a "Spiderman" T-shirt, he wears it all the time since then.
All children got their balloons and said bye-bye when two of our friends came and gave greeting to Idris. He shared and distributed some candies to them. "One for R, one for A, one for Daddy, one for spiderman." "How do we say candy in Chinese?" one of them asked. I replied: "TAN GWO." They tried to copy, yet it was bit hard. Idris couldn't bare and volunteered to correct them: "Say it with me in Chinese -- TAN.... GWO...." "TAN, GWO." they tried again. Then, Idris approved them: "Well done!"
星期五, 8月 19, 2005
"Spiderman catch MJ in the sky!"
Most people know the cosmic and the movie: Spiderman. There are three main roles in the first movie: Spiderman (Peter Parker), MJ (Mary-Jane Waltson) and Green Goblin (Mr. Osbourne). Spiderman had all his strength from his love of MJ, and with that he won the fight with Green Goblin. Young boys are in a fashion to be a "spinderman". You can see the products everywhere, from the T-shirt to the ice cream. They want to be just the "spiderman".
"Peter Spiderman" Idris called himself, has an interesting side of his "spiderman version". Before he even seen or heard of Spiderman, he called himself Spiderman. For that, I bought the DVD and we watched it. Since then, he calls me MJ and his father Superman (refered to Green Goblin, because he hasn't seen superman's movie, he only knows the word"). To prevent him from involving too deep, I don't buy any Spiderman's for him, but he still gets a lot of Spiderman's gifts.
Before he got all those gifts, he seriously thought he is the Spiderman.
When he wants to clearify who's who,"Your name MJ, my name Peter Spiderman, and Daddy name Superman. And I love you."
"Spiderman catch MJ in the sky!" when I carry him.
Or like this: "MJ, come, play with me."
"MJ, wait for me!"
"MJ, I want to do wee wee."
"MJ, MJ......"
Luckily, he hasn't forgot I am his mother: "MJ mami...."
That is Idirs's version of Spiderman.
"Peter Spiderman" Idris called himself, has an interesting side of his "spiderman version". Before he even seen or heard of Spiderman, he called himself Spiderman. For that, I bought the DVD and we watched it. Since then, he calls me MJ and his father Superman (refered to Green Goblin, because he hasn't seen superman's movie, he only knows the word"). To prevent him from involving too deep, I don't buy any Spiderman's for him, but he still gets a lot of Spiderman's gifts.
Before he got all those gifts, he seriously thought he is the Spiderman.
When he wants to clearify who's who,"Your name MJ, my name Peter Spiderman, and Daddy name Superman. And I love you."
"Spiderman catch MJ in the sky!" when I carry him.
Or like this: "MJ, come, play with me."
"MJ, wait for me!"
"MJ, I want to do wee wee."
"MJ, MJ......"
Luckily, he hasn't forgot I am his mother: "MJ mami...."
That is Idirs's version of Spiderman.
星期四, 6月 09, 2005
Is that some kind of joke?
My partner Ibrahim got a one year renewable contract from Atos Origin. For this good offer, he dropped his master course, refused a doubled pay raise for staying in his current position, left his lovely son and family, and he committed to the "working overseas" dream. It was so sudden. In just two weeks, he had to be ready to go. Atos sent him to Bahrain for two weeks trainning, meeting his team, then he flew to Lybia out of Bahrain for his assignment.
That Tuesday, I met Ibrahim over the internet. Surprisingly, he was in Bahrain. He said he went to Lybia few days ago but the company sent him back to Bahrain to meet the CTO (Chief Technology Officer). He told me his project manager and other three team members couldn't get their working visas. Only him had his Lybia's working visa granted. That sounded his future was really uncertained.
I came back home the following night, and found Ibrahim had dropped one line:"I am back to Sydney", and my brother also drop one line, that he had heard from Ibrahim whose contract was ended.
Carrying lots of question marks in my mind over the following week, I met Ibrahim on the net again. This time, he was in Dubai. According to him, Atos has a very bad management that they "didn't want him". Atos simply sent him back to Sydney.
A week later, he came back to Sydney. He and his story surprised everybody.....
On the same day he went to Lybia, Atos Lybia was holding a presentation. They had a plasma and speakers. But they thought they didn't have cables to connect with. The branch manager asked the driver to buy the cable. He claimed that he didn't understand what kind of cable to buy. No other team member said anything. Since Ibrahim knew what to buy, he volunteered to go with the driver. They bought one back, however they found another one in the bag after they arrived the place. The bag was always with the driver, and he paid for the cable.
The story starts here. The driver had a big car accident later that night. He had to pay at least 500 in local currency for the damage. He went back to the company, crying to the branch manager, claiming that Ibrahim stole the other cable, so "the god" punished him. Without any double checking, Ibrahim was told to go to Bahrain for the meeting the second day. The human resource (there was no CTO there) told him:"You are a thief, we don't want you anymore." Ibrahim was shocked completely and he asked them why. They told him what happened. Without giving Ibrahim chance to explain, he was sent back to Sydney.
When he arrived Dubai, he seek help from Australian Embassy, and they introduced two solicitors specialised in the area to him. The solicitors think that one, the owner was out of the picture and didn't claim for stolen goods; two, Ibrahim wasn't sent to police station and wasn't accused for stealing; there was no case at all. He should be in a very good position to accuse Atos bleaching the contract and damaging his reputation. And they suggested Ibrahim to come back Sydney and find a solicitor. They also told him one of their Canadian client had a similar case like him and the former one won the presecution.
My opinion? Bare in mind, Atos's client is Lybian Intelligence Department. The position of a driver is so hard to get in that country. It's so currupted that the driver had that kind of strategy. And it's so currupted the Atos had to send Ibrahim away immediately. It's so currupted that the solicitors didn't think Ibrahim would have a better deal if he made the case over there. Lybia is just a "developing" country that you can't use your "developed" logic to judge it. They can always take your advantage whoever you are. Don't say you are bad luck!
To tell the truth, this is the most extrodinary overseas working experience I have ever heard in my life.
That Tuesday, I met Ibrahim over the internet. Surprisingly, he was in Bahrain. He said he went to Lybia few days ago but the company sent him back to Bahrain to meet the CTO (Chief Technology Officer). He told me his project manager and other three team members couldn't get their working visas. Only him had his Lybia's working visa granted. That sounded his future was really uncertained.
I came back home the following night, and found Ibrahim had dropped one line:"I am back to Sydney", and my brother also drop one line, that he had heard from Ibrahim whose contract was ended.
Carrying lots of question marks in my mind over the following week, I met Ibrahim on the net again. This time, he was in Dubai. According to him, Atos has a very bad management that they "didn't want him". Atos simply sent him back to Sydney.
A week later, he came back to Sydney. He and his story surprised everybody.....
On the same day he went to Lybia, Atos Lybia was holding a presentation. They had a plasma and speakers. But they thought they didn't have cables to connect with. The branch manager asked the driver to buy the cable. He claimed that he didn't understand what kind of cable to buy. No other team member said anything. Since Ibrahim knew what to buy, he volunteered to go with the driver. They bought one back, however they found another one in the bag after they arrived the place. The bag was always with the driver, and he paid for the cable.
The story starts here. The driver had a big car accident later that night. He had to pay at least 500 in local currency for the damage. He went back to the company, crying to the branch manager, claiming that Ibrahim stole the other cable, so "the god" punished him. Without any double checking, Ibrahim was told to go to Bahrain for the meeting the second day. The human resource (there was no CTO there) told him:"You are a thief, we don't want you anymore." Ibrahim was shocked completely and he asked them why. They told him what happened. Without giving Ibrahim chance to explain, he was sent back to Sydney.
When he arrived Dubai, he seek help from Australian Embassy, and they introduced two solicitors specialised in the area to him. The solicitors think that one, the owner was out of the picture and didn't claim for stolen goods; two, Ibrahim wasn't sent to police station and wasn't accused for stealing; there was no case at all. He should be in a very good position to accuse Atos bleaching the contract and damaging his reputation. And they suggested Ibrahim to come back Sydney and find a solicitor. They also told him one of their Canadian client had a similar case like him and the former one won the presecution.
My opinion? Bare in mind, Atos's client is Lybian Intelligence Department. The position of a driver is so hard to get in that country. It's so currupted that the driver had that kind of strategy. And it's so currupted the Atos had to send Ibrahim away immediately. It's so currupted that the solicitors didn't think Ibrahim would have a better deal if he made the case over there. Lybia is just a "developing" country that you can't use your "developed" logic to judge it. They can always take your advantage whoever you are. Don't say you are bad luck!
To tell the truth, this is the most extrodinary overseas working experience I have ever heard in my life.
星期三, 6月 08, 2005
"I want to wait for mami."
Working night shifts this week, I have friends, Nancy and James, who are willing to pick up Idirs and take care of him until I come back midnight. Ideally, Idris would have his dinner, playing for a while or watching some TVs, then going to sleep.
But he has been staying up for the last two nights.....He said:"I want to wait for mami."
I came back almost 11pm, knocked on my friend's door.... and Idris was sitting on the sofa, covering himself with a blanket, watching a cartoon. "Are you still awake?!" I said to Idris. James told me that they had been trying and Idris wouldn't like to close his eyes. He wanted to wait for me.
So he woke up late the second morning. I thought maybe, just maybe, if he didn't sleep in the day care, he might have taken a snap in the late afternoon. He wouldn't be too tired if he stays up late waiting for me. I was wrong.
I sneaked out when the job finished earlier and arrived Nancy's house past 9pm. They told me that Idris didn't sleep in the day care and he refused to rest in the late afternoon. He was so tired and he cried once "Mami come back? Mami, mami.... I am waking up. I want to wait for mami." Then he kept himself busy until I picked him up. I knew we got to spend some quality time together. I didn't urge him to go the bed immediately. Instead, I gave him a warm bath and we had some fruits together. When I sit next to him on the bed, he said:"Mami, you too sleep." I lay down, he had a big yawning. I asked him:"Are you OK?" "I am OK." He went to play with angels in just few seconds....
All the carers were suprised when I told them the story.
I rather Idris could sleep in the day care. When I sent him this morning, he didn't like me to leave. He knows it is going to be a long day again. I sat down with him and spent few minutes to explain why I have to leave for work. I believed he understood, even though he wasn't happy with the fact. I kissed Idris, said bye bye, and walked to the door. He didn't get up, he just murmuring:"No, mami. No, mami." After I got out of his sight, I heard him cried to one of the carer:"I want my mami."
I believed she would give him a good cuddle for me.....
But he has been staying up for the last two nights.....He said:"I want to wait for mami."
I came back almost 11pm, knocked on my friend's door.... and Idris was sitting on the sofa, covering himself with a blanket, watching a cartoon. "Are you still awake?!" I said to Idris. James told me that they had been trying and Idris wouldn't like to close his eyes. He wanted to wait for me.
So he woke up late the second morning. I thought maybe, just maybe, if he didn't sleep in the day care, he might have taken a snap in the late afternoon. He wouldn't be too tired if he stays up late waiting for me. I was wrong.
I sneaked out when the job finished earlier and arrived Nancy's house past 9pm. They told me that Idris didn't sleep in the day care and he refused to rest in the late afternoon. He was so tired and he cried once "Mami come back? Mami, mami.... I am waking up. I want to wait for mami." Then he kept himself busy until I picked him up. I knew we got to spend some quality time together. I didn't urge him to go the bed immediately. Instead, I gave him a warm bath and we had some fruits together. When I sit next to him on the bed, he said:"Mami, you too sleep." I lay down, he had a big yawning. I asked him:"Are you OK?" "I am OK." He went to play with angels in just few seconds....
All the carers were suprised when I told them the story.
I rather Idris could sleep in the day care. When I sent him this morning, he didn't like me to leave. He knows it is going to be a long day again. I sat down with him and spent few minutes to explain why I have to leave for work. I believed he understood, even though he wasn't happy with the fact. I kissed Idris, said bye bye, and walked to the door. He didn't get up, he just murmuring:"No, mami. No, mami." After I got out of his sight, I heard him cried to one of the carer:"I want my mami."
I believed she would give him a good cuddle for me.....
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